A toast to new beginnings

A very cliche title but fitting to my situation. I have graduated from my undergraduate program six months ago and it has been six months since I started law school. My decision to take up Juris Doctor was a long one. I was planning on either an MA in Psychology or Medical School but I chose Law because it’s more affordable than med school. I am pushing back my MA studies until I graduate the JD program.
I may not have yet the right to give advices since I have not finished my first year. Therefore, this post is dedicated to the problems I encountered.
1. Financial juggling – The tuition fee and books eat up the budget. I am thankful that I am living with my parents again since my rent money is channeled to school payments and heavy hardbound books.
2. Time management – Adjusting my body clock was a struggle. Here, the classes are in the evening which means I need to change my study habits from night time to day time. It’s kind of a problem because my “zone” moments are in the evening.
3. Relatives – Since I have been away for some time, they seem excited to see me and have long and winded conversations. I am happy to see them too but I’d rather read the commentaries or cases than chatter.
4. Friends – Same with relatives. The friends I made at law school are great because they are low maintenance but there are high school friends that need pampering and it just saps the energy out of me.
5. Savings – Becuase right now, I have none. I quit my part time jobs in favor of studying. So, my spending money is limited right now. However, I plan to work by next year when I have fully adjusted with my new school environment.
Despite the ups and more number of downs, my life right now is interesting. I met a lot of great people and that’s good. Since this is he last day of Christmas vacation, it’s time to rev up the study time and serious mode.

Senior Year College would be fun, they said

For the past two semesters of college, I was in a roller coaster. It sounds cliche but it was really like this. Sometimes, I would think about giving up because the problems that I was facing were overwhelming. It didn’t even sink in that we were already in our semester break. It felt surreal that we didn’t have any school work to do. When the second semester rolled in, it didn’t sink in that this was already the final battle whether we can graduate this June.

 

Emotional Dump Post

I really need to get this off my chest, or point in case, my mind.

I love going home, I really do but sometimes in a dysfunctional family, this desire gets dampened. Sometimes, I prefer staying away from my house but that’s not exactly possible. Anyhow, whenever I say jokingly to my friends to tell my family I love them, I honestly want to believe that I really do.

It’s just so hard to love the people who cast you away. For several years, I have been crying my self to sleep because of the emotional pain that I receive. Sometimes I have wished that I won’t wake up the following day. It hurts a lot; it was worse when I was younger because I really have chest pains which were sometimes, unbearable but I just sleep on it.

It hurts so much.

I don’t know what else to say.

Sometimes I wish that I would rather have physical wounds because at least I can see them heal but with my emotional wounds, it hasn’t even closed up. There are days when it suddenly opens and I can’t stop crying.

You might be wondering if I have friends in my real life. Yes I do but I don’t want to talk to them about any of this because I don’t think that they’ll understand.

Most of the time, I even wonder why I still have my sanity. Why do I cling on to my life? I don’t know.

At some point, I almost died in a hit-and-run incident.

I almost drowned.

I got into a vehicular accident but I survived.

I don’t know.

I always tell myself that this is just a phase but… I don’t think that it is.

HTGAWM Sneak Peek: Annalise Grills a Witness (in Her Bedroom)!

TVLine

Whatever Bonnie’s getting paid to work at Annalise’s law firm on How to Get Away With Murder, she’s due for a big pay hike — provided that she doesn’t turn out to be a cold-blooded murderer, that is.

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In the following exclusive clip from this Thursday’s installment (10/9c on ABC), Lurky McChurchmouse finds herself trying to flee the scene after knocking on Annalise and Sam’s bedroom door and informing them that his murdered co-ed girlfriend was six weeks pregnant at the time of her death.

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Instead of a simple “see you tomorrow,” however, Annalise demands Bonnie enter the Keating boudoir and sit second chair as she cross-examines her chronic liar of a husband. “I…

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Still in the dark

I just need a place to vent these feelings right now.

I don’t know when this started but I started to have this social anxiety; no it is not severe enough that I actually lock myself inside my room or house. It’s just mild enough that I stop myself from socializing with others. :O

Also, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this but I am so fucking sensitive to rejection. Hmph.

There are these friends who are going to an outing this weekend. I decided to take some initiative to ask them if I wanted to join but then I felt that I wasn’t wanted to, in good grace, I backed out.

Even now, it still hurts. That kind of dull pain in your chest and when you want to cry until you fall asleep? That kind of pain.

I know my place in the social hierarchy of my school; but I thought that these people were “friendly” people but I guess I was mistaken.

NO matter how many times I tell myself that I will stop from getting close to other people because it will just hurt, I still do and what did I get from not following my own advice? HURT, that was what I got.

I hate feeling lonely; for me being lonely means that despite being surrounded by a crowd, no one ACTUALLY SEES me. It’s just too disheartening.

 

Can’t Stick to That Diet? Blame Your Gut Bacteria

TIME

Your willpower may not be entirely to blame for your eating habits — your gut bacteria may be responsible, too.

The gut microbiome, the collection of all the microbes in our digestive tracts, may influence our food choices and behavior, suggests a new study that recently appeared in the journal BioEssays.

Different bacteria have different nutritional needs based on the niches they’ve come to occupy in our guts, say researchers from University of California San Francisco, Arizona State University and the University of New Mexico. Sometimes the needs of those bacteria are “aligned with our own dietary goals, and others not,” says corresponding author Carlos Maley, the director of the UCSF Center for Evolution and Cancer.

These different microbes may be able to manipulate our dietary desires by releasing molecules that affect certain organ systems or influence our brain through the vagus nerve, says the study, which connects…

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