I really need to get this off my chest, or point in case, my mind.
I love going home, I really do but sometimes in a dysfunctional family, this desire gets dampened. Sometimes, I prefer staying away from my house but that’s not exactly possible. Anyhow, whenever I say jokingly to my friends to tell my family I love them, I honestly want to believe that I really do.
It’s just so hard to love the people who cast you away. For several years, I have been crying my self to sleep because of the emotional pain that I receive. Sometimes I have wished that I won’t wake up the following day. It hurts a lot; it was worse when I was younger because I really have chest pains which were sometimes, unbearable but I just sleep on it.
It hurts so much.
I don’t know what else to say.
Sometimes I wish that I would rather have physical wounds because at least I can see them heal but with my emotional wounds, it hasn’t even closed up. There are days when it suddenly opens and I can’t stop crying.
You might be wondering if I have friends in my real life. Yes I do but I don’t want to talk to them about any of this because I don’t think that they’ll understand.
Most of the time, I even wonder why I still have my sanity. Why do I cling on to my life? I don’t know.
At some point, I almost died in a hit-and-run incident.
I almost drowned.
I got into a vehicular accident but I survived.
I don’t know.
I always tell myself that this is just a phase but… I don’t think that it is.